How do I monitor and support my teens’ emotional, academic, and social world and not be a helicopter parent?
Finding that balance of involvement and direction as a parent during the high school years is certainly a challenge!
In an ideal world, it’s best to empower teens to make their own decisions and experience the consequences. With the pressure of the competitive college application process, parents often feel overwhelmed. Unfortunately, unless parents are mindful, it can be easy to act in counterproductive ways.
Confident decision-making is a true gift you can give your teen that will serve them well in their experience in the application process, in college, and over the course of their lifetime.
Parents, when you feel concerned about your son or daughter’s decisions or behaviors re: friends, academic decisions, weekend and summer plans and it is not a dangerous situation:
Take some deep breaths. It’s best not to react right away to your strong emotions. When you feel calmer, hear how he/she sees the situation and what he/she wants to do. Ask your child to tell you about the pros and cons of the decision and potential consequences. If you feel these answers don’t tell the whole story, schedule a time to talk again to discuss more details.
Articulate your concerns, but ultimately let him or her make the decision. Remember, it’s rare that one grade or experience will tarnish a high school resume. Summer experiences present a great decision making opportunity. You child may be making decisions about potential jobs, experiences abroad, counselor experiences, volunteering, or internships. Letting your student take the lead on what he/she wants to do during the summer is important.
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If your gut tells you that your teen is having serious issues with depression, anxiety, eating disorders, social issues, substance use, ongoing overwhelming feelings and stress or addictions, it is extremely important to reach out to a recommended mental health professional. You have the opportunity NOW when your child is still in your orbit to get guidance and counseling. If your teen is resistant to getting help, make an appointment for yourself for parenting guidance or advice on how best to bring your teen into the conversation.